You Never Know How the Day Will Work Out

Did you hear about the Tennessee state trooper who delivered a baby last week on Interstate 40 near Dickson, Tenn.?

The mother-to-be was being driven to the hospital by a friend when she went into labor right smack dab in the middle of the the interstate.

I’ve been on that stretch of road. You’re pretty much on your own out there.

I read about it in a post on the highway patrol’s Facebook page.

First of all, and most importantly, the mother and child are doing fine. The post even included a photo of the trooper posing with the mother in the hospital.

They looked as happy as clams.

If you ask me, the trooper deserves a medal or a truckload of cash or something.

Don’t email me, ladies, because no, I can’t even imagine what was going through the mother’s head when she found herself in that condition out there on a rural interstate somewhere.

The highway patrol said the trooper is a former emergency medical technician, and that training and experience certainly helped him somewhat.

But come on.

Can you imagine being a cop and getting called to deliver a baby on the shoulder of the interstate?

I would have probably radioed back and asked if there wasn’t a busload of escaped armed fugitives or maybe a nuclear waste spill I could go to instead.

I’ve witnessed a birth — and not even from the business end — and it is a stressful experience in the best of conditions. Again, don’t email me. I realize fully I was merely a bystander.

Well, that’s not exactly true. The doctor let me cut the umbilical cord, and I came within an inch of cutting my newborn son’s toe off.

You will find that difficult to believe, but it’s true.

And the birth I witnessed — uh, I mean participated in — was in a hospital with doctors and nurses and all those machines that beep and have those little moving lines on the screens.

And there was an epidural.

Did the trooper stop by Sonic and get some ice chips then whiz by the dollar store for towels and some Tylenol as he was on his way?

And where did the boiling water come from? Because we all know from every TV drama ever aired, you’ve got to have boiling water when you deliver a baby on the side of the road.

I’ve never seen what’s in the trunk of a state trooper’s vehicle, but I don’t imagine there’s a whole ton of baby delivering stuff back there.

… let’s see here, AR-15, bulletproof vest, traffic cones, speed gun…. Where is that IV pole and fetal monitor? They just don’t seem to be in here. Hey, a raincoat! That might come in handy. And we can wrap the little fellow up in this crime scene tape.

I would’ve accidentally tased myself.

I can see the headline now. “Officer delivers baby before committing accidental self-inflicted tasing.”

Cops come under all sorts of scrutiny these days. Actually, they alway have.

Sometimes it’s warranted, and sometimes it’s not.

But I cannot even fathom doing something like this. The highway patrol said, “to say we are proud of him would be a tremendous understatement.”

I couldn’t agree more. This truly is our tax dollars at work.