What’s a 5-letter Word for ‘Bad at Crosswords?’

I’ve been on a crossword puzzle kick lately.

I used to attempt them years and years ago. But I stopped for some reason.

This new go around, I work them on an app on my phone. I’m not too proud of that, because it’s just one more reason to look at a screen.

But, it’s convenient. And I don’t have to worry about erasing a hole in the paper.

I’m still not very good at them, even though I have accumulated some knowledge over the years.

I always paid attention in school. I got good grades. I took my education fairly seriously. And, I have always kept up with current events.

But a few things just slipped through the cracks.

Take good old Western Civ, for instance. My class was in the humanities building at UT. Our teacher was a fascist, I am certain of it. Here’s an example.

One day, the bell rang while he was lecturing, and we started packing up our things.

He tersely said, “That is my signal, not yours.”

You get the idea.

I probably retained more than I think I did, but I only recall two specific things.

First is the defenestration of Prague. That’s where someone got thrown out a window. I don’t remember who or why.

Second, William the Conquerer did something in 1066. I don’t recall what. I guess he conquered.

I have yet to see a crossword clue that said, “(blank) the Conquerer did something in 1066. It doesn’t matter what.”

I know the names of exactly three European rivers — Danube, Seine and Thames.

Do you think one of those has ever been a crossword answer?

I took two music appreciation classes in college. I also took history of rock and roll — which was not as easy as it sounds — and no, there wasn’t a football player in sight.

I still struggle with music clues, though. I do know what an aria is, and that comes up sometimes.

But the vast majority of the who-composed-what questions are tough for me. I don’t know my Vivaldi from a hole in the ground.

I didn’t take chemistry, so I don’t know much about the periodic table. And I didn’t realize the subject of metal alloys was such a thing.

One of these days the answer is going to be aluminum. I’m ready when it is.

I don’t like the clues that end in question marks. Crossword puzzles are hard enough without trick questions. 

Spanish was the only foreign language I took in school.

My Spanish, however, is pretty much limited to greetings and asking directions to the bathroom.

The other day, I mistakenly pushed the Spanish button on the checkout keypad at the store. And while I knew it was asking me if I wanted cash back, I was afraid I was saying yes to, “Would you like to be disrobed, strapped to a gurney and pushed into the interstate?”

The point is, I strike out on most of the Spanish language crossword clues.

And don’t even get me started on Italian or French.

Why are the people who make up crosswords so enamored with French?

Hey, enamored is derived from old French. I just googled it.

I’ll bet I run across that one someday.

And, when I do, I’ll be ready.