Some Math is Hard; Some is Painfully Simple

Math was never really my thing. 

I did fine in algebra in high school. But when my cluster of friends signed up for trigonometry, calculus and geometry, I headed back over to the agriculture building and continued learning how to woodwork, do some basic electrical things and repair small engines.

So no, I don’t know much about the Pythagorean theorem, but if Pythagoras’s spark plug ever goes kerplunk, I’m his guy.

I was going to be a Pulitzer Prize winning journalist anyway. I didn’t need to know what a cosine was.

And I’ve never regretted that path, except for the first 20 minutes of college algebra in Ayres Hall at the University of Tennessee.

After the professor completely left me in the dust, I slinked out and went straight to my advisor to beg him to let me substitute a class.

We agreed on principles of accounting, which I took through correspondence by mail with the head of the department. Of course, that turned out to be the biggest disaster of my academic career, but that’s a different story.

And, suffice to say, he won’t be invited to my Pulitzer Prize afterparty.

Over the years, however, I have become a giant when it comes to doing mental math.

I can multiply, divide, add and subtract almost anything in my head.

I can even do fractions.

I’m so much fun at parties.

But I said all that only to say this.

The other day, I saw a graphic that my local hospital created regarding hospitalized Covid patients.

The first part showed drawings of 85 little people. Seventy-nine were green and six were purple.

The 79 green ones were unvaccinated, and the six purple ones were vaccinated.

That’s pretty easy math — 93 percent of the people taking up beds with Covid were unvaccinated.

The next part showed Covid patients in intensive care.

Twenty-six didn’t have the shot. One did.

That’s even easier math. More than 96 percent of ICU beds with a Covid patient in them were unvaccinated.

The third part showed the number of patients on ventilators.

Guess what. 

Fifteen were unvaccinated and one was vaccinated. That’s almost 94 percent.

They literally drew us a picture.

And no, I didn’t do that in my head, but it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to look at the green people and the purple people and draw one — and only one — definite conclusion.

The shot works.

The shot will get us out of this mess. And we would’ve been out of it already if more people would’ve gotten it.

Don’t get me wrong. I abhor going to the doctor. I don’t like hearing other people talk about going to the doctor. 

I don’t even like watching TV shows about doctors for the most part.

But dad gum, I don’t want to end up on a ventilator.

And I sure as heck don’t want to end up in a box wearing my black suit that someone else dressed me in with you swinging by visitation talking about how natural I look before taking a casserole to my house that I’m not going to be eating.

And I don’t want to take a casserole to your house, either.

Be a purple person. Do it for yourself, for your children, for the person next to you at the checkout line.

If I can get the shot, anyone can.

And anyone can do that math.