Act Natural, the Cops are Coming this Way

Yesterday, I was getting on the interstate from an entrance ramp that I had never been on before.

It was on the outskirts of a city, and the traffic was heavy just like it is everywhere these days.

It was a long ramp with a gentle curve like most interstate entrance ramps are.

As soon as I got on, I saw something I had never seen before.

A state trooper was coming toward me with his blue lights on. He wasn’t driving fast, but it looked like he was coming straight for me.

I didn’t know what to do.

You know how the brain can process terabytes of information in a split second.

Mine went into full-speed mode.

Maybe he was trying to tell me something. Is there a nuclear plant meltdown? Is a plane about to attempt an emergency landing?

Heck, I’d never been right there before. For an instant, I thought maybe I was going the wrong way.

I looked in the rearview mirror to see if anyone was going the same direction as me. Of course there wasn’t. And no one was in front of me either — except for the trooper.

I probably weaved a little bit as I hit the brakes.

Then I did what one does when a cop is approaching with his blue lights on.

I pulled over on the shoulder and stopped.

That’s about the time I realized he was coming up the shoulder as well.

Now, the mighty Prius and I are playing chicken with a state trooper.

That is when Kim intervened and told me I probably needed to get out of his way.

I pulled back in the center of the on-ramp and crept forward.

As he passed, Kim waved — probably one of those “I’m sorry” waves. He waved — probably one of those “bless your heart” waves.

I was just glad I didn’t see a radiation cloud.

*****

My office and Kim’s studio connect to an event venue.

Something is going on there just about every weekend. Usually, it’s a wedding followed by a reception.

We can typically hear the music through the walls.

It took me 6 years to realize what all receptions have in common. It didn’t hit me until last weekend.

Every reception predominately plays ‘80s music.

This social experiment definitively proves the ‘80s had the best music. Of course we all knew that already.

Regardless the age of the couple, when the DJ cranks up the jams, he’s going to play “I Want to Dance With Somebody,” “Celebration” “ Billie Jean,” “Love Shack,” and so on.

Guaranteed.

And I’ll go double or nothing with any of you that “YMCA” will spin before the rice is thrown.

And yes, I make the letters with my arms when it plays.

It’s mandatory.

Something else I have learned is that all DJs sound like professional wrestling ring announcer when their voices are penetrating a couple of walls.

Since the walls muffle the sound, I can never understand what they’re saying except they all start every sentence with “all right,” which they stretch out over 5 or 6 seconds and a couple of octaves.

Then they start playing the best music ever.

It’s a proven fact.