Your Children Must Work for Their Halloween Candy

When I’m in charge of buying the halloween candy, I buy two kinds.

First, I get a couple of bags of the good stuff. It’s going to be chocolate every time. And let’s face it. It’s going to be something I like.

I also get some from the other end of the spectrum. You know what I’m talking about — the bags with four or five varieties of crunchy candies that cause the majority of Nov. 1 dental visits.

When I’m in charge of greeting trick-or-treaters, I have some rules.

First of all, say trick or treat, unprompted, if you’re old enough to do so. When someone walks up and just sticks their candy bag in my face and looks at me like I’m the one wearing a costume, it’s not happening.

And if the parent has to say, “What are you supposed to say?,” it’s over.

And speaking of the candy receptacle, the child will receive bonus points if he or she is carrying one of those plastic orange jack-o-lanterns with the black handle we used to carry back when I was a kid.

There will be no penalties for carrying any type of a modest sized bag. Extra points if it’s halloween themed.

But show up holding a pillowcase and see what happens.

Sometimes people just stick out their hand. I guess they eat it from house to house.

Well good luck crunching your hard candy before you get to the neighbor’s, Bubba.

The trick-or-treater also needs to be a child or a teenager.

I can even forgive the occasional college student, but he or she must be in costume and not break any of the other rules to get chocolate.

This brings us to costume requirements.

But before we do that, let’s talk about my costume for a party we’re going to this year.

It’s an old 1970s-era high school marching band coat. It’s made of wool, and if it weighs 10 pound if it weighs an ounce.

It came complete with a shako. 

A shako is what a marching band hat is called. I looked it up. I had no idea.

My shako is pretty fancy. It has a foot-long white plume and a little black chin strap. 

I bought the whole shebang in a thrift shop for $2.

Do you ever just see something in a store, and you know you have to have it, but you don’t know why?

Now, anyone who comes to my house wearing a ‘70s woolen marching band coat with a fancy shako gets the whole darn bowl of chocolates.

I don’t expect that to happen, though, so here are some pointers for costumes.

Dress like a football player at your own risk. Anything crimson gets something crunchy.

Let’s face it. I’m pretty much out of the loop when it comes to children’s pop culture. So if someone comes to the door wearing the latest Disney character, I’m not going to know who they are. It’s not a penalty. But there’s no extra credit either.

I’m a big fan of creativity. Make something at home. You can’t beat a good old ghost or a witch.

Halloween is all about having fun, so I hope you do.

Just don’t forget the rules.