Tossed Salads Just Aren’t the Same Anymore

We’ve been doing it for 32 years.

That’s a long time.

Since 1989 we’ve been ordering things “on the side” at restaurants.

We order salad dressing on the side.

We order butter and sour cream on the side.

We order barbecue sauce on the side.

And so on and so forth.

And do you know whose fault it is?

I blame it on Sally Albright, Meg Ryan’s character in “When Harry Met Sally.”

Do you remember the line?

Harry and Sally were at a restaurant, and Sally orders dessert.

"But I'd like the pie heated, and I don't want the ice cream on top; I want it on the side. And I'd like strawberry instead of vanilla if you have it. If not, then no ice cream, just whipped cream, but only if it's real. If it's out of a can, then nothing.”

Of course, that’s not the most famous part of that scene, but since this is a family newspaper, we won’t get into that.

Sally was fussy to begin with, and her specific dessert order personified that.

But it changed everything about the way we order certain dishes.

I didn’t immediately jump on the on-the-side bandwagon. For a few years at least, I was still getting a big ol’ dollop of sour cream right smack dab on the top of the potato.

The bleu cheese dressing still covered the top of the salad.

Then I caved.

And I don’t know why. As soon as the potato arrives I do what the person in the kitchen should’ve done and put the toppings on the potato.

The salad is different, though.

Sometimes I put my fork in the dressing and get some on it before stabbing the rabbit food. And sometimes I get a bite of salad on my fork first then dip it in the dressing.

I don’t know which method is less incorrect than the other, but they’re both wrong. 

I wish I could ask Sally.

Changing the subject, do you remember the first time you heard the term “continental breakfast?”

I do. I was about 13, and Mama and I went on one of those bus tours which included stays in New York City, Philadelphia and Washington, D.C.

Several days before the trip, I was looking at the itinerary. One morning in Manhattan, we were to have a complimentary continental breakfast at the hotel.

What can a continental breakfast possibly be?

There could only be one answer.

A continental breakfast must include food from every continent.

See you later, Cap’n Crunch. This boy would be eating high on the hog in the big city.

I really didn’t know much about foreign breakfast food, but I’ve always been pretty fearless when it comes to eating new things, so I was in love with the idea of the spread that was about to be.

And there sat a tray with some muffins.

Muffins.

Don’t get me wrong. I like a good muffin. 

I also like smoked salmon, Huervos rancheros, eggs Benedict and Belgian waffles — you know — food from other continents which should be served on a continental breakfast.

We saw the Empire State Building, the Statue of Liberty and the World Trade Center that day.

And I was hungry the whole time.