The Metaverse Sounds Like Fun and Games

Do you have chronic back pain?

Is the boss on your back again about the Johnson deal that you just can’t seem to close?

Are you ever — I mean, are you ever — going to weed that flower bed that you know the neighbors laugh about every time they back out of their driveway?

Well, I have some good news for you.

You can leave it all behind.

Have you heard about the metaverse?

The metaverse is where you live a second life in the computer world, and apparently, it’s a thing. 

It is referred to as the fourth wave of computing. The first wave was the mainframe computer. Then came personal computing, and third, mobile computing.

And now, you go inside the computer.

According to an article in The New York Times, “The metaverse is the convergence of two ideas that have been around for many years: virtual reality and a digital second life.”

It continued, “For decades, technologists have dreamed of an era when our virtual lives play as important a role as our physical realities. In theory, we would spend lots of time interacting with our friends and colleagues in virtual space. As a result, we would spend money there, too, on outfits and objects for our digital avatars.”

Of course, your avatar is your little picture of yourself that you get to create.

I don’t have an avatar. But if I ever get one, it’s going to be two cups Brad Pitt, three tablespoons George Clooney and a dash of Channing Tatum.

I don’t even know who Channing Tatum is. But I’ve heard of him, and from what I understand, a dash of him would be a positive addition to my little digital picture of myself.

The Times article continued, “Many people in tech believe the metaverse will herald an era in which our virtual lives will play as important a role as our physical realities.” 

I’m pretty excited about this. We already know I’m going to be looking good online. But what else does my virtual life hold for me?

Oh, let’s see.

I have a Tesla, but not one of those entry level jobs. I have a Model S. I had to google that. I don’t know anything about Teslas, but my online dude does. And he demands only the best.

I’m trying to think about what kind of a job I want in the metaverse.

Oh, wait. I don’t have a job. I don’t want a job. Heck, I don’t need a job. But I do need something to do.

NFL quarterback.

But I wouldn’t be just any NFL quarterback. I wouldn’t just be a Manning or a Brady. Oh, no. I have won more Super Bowls than any of those losers. It’s Easter before I get all the confetti out of my hair, year after year.

But football only lasts a few months. And I’m pretty good. I don’t have to train much in the off season.

That’s why I’m bringing my rock-n-roll stadium tour to a city near you this summer. 

The Rolling Stones are opening for me. Tickets are $750. But, since we’re friends, you can meet Mick and me after the show for a mere $500 more.

Like Brad Paisley sings, “I’m so much cooler online.”

Oh, yeah, he’s opening for me also.