One Bad Segue Deserves Another, Said No One Ever

The only thing wrong with sending these billionaires into space is that they keep coming back.

I’m sure someone else has said something similar, but until I see it elsewhere, I’m taking credit for making it up. 

I have nothing to follow it up with, though. 

Earlier in the year, I poked fun at the mega-yacht owned by Jeff Bezos’ — who, as you know, is our filthy rich astronaut du jour. 

I can’t write about civilian spaceflight. I did that in April. I’ve actually done that a couple of times. I think I do it merely to sneak in the tidbit that I saw the Apollo 11 liftoff in person. Oops, I did it again.

And speaking of Britney Spears, I feel for her.

This conservatorship that she’s been under since 2008 sounds dreadful.

We all remember her antics that got her into this mess. She shaved her head. She hit a photographer’s car with an umbrella. She was involved in some kind of standoff with police over her children.

So, no, she didn’t do much to bolster her image back then. But come on, the minimum sentence for manslaughter — in Tennessee at least — is 3 years.

And Britney didn’t kill anybody.

According to her court testimony last month, she can’t leave her house unsupervised. 

She said she must attend bi-weekly meetings with the conservators to have access to her own money. Her father is a co-conservator.

No 39 year old should have to ask daddy for their own money.

After she failed a psychological evaluation, she testified she was sent to a house for a rehab program to the tune of $60,000 a month. 

About the program, she told the court, “They all lived in the house with me, the nurses, the 24-7 security. There was one chef that came there and cooked for me daily during the weekdays. They watched me change (clothes) every day… I had no privacy door for my room.”

She testified to wanting another child, but under the conservatorship, she isn’t allowed to stop birth control.

Call me Gloria Steinem, but if Britney’s name was Tom or Frank, those arrangements would get tossed so quickly our heads would spin.

And speaking of Gloria Steinem, I was forced kicking and screaming to go to a lecture of hers when I was in college and write a story about it for a journalism class I was taking.

Gloria popularized the quote, “A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.”

I’ve always thought that was pretty funny, especially when Kim sees a spider.

Okay, two bad segues are plenty.

So where do we go from here?

We’re going to figure out how to strap more billionaires to rockets for space flights that last longer than 11 minutes. Oh, and don’t worry. When we get that figured out, I already have a pretty good candidate list started.

We're going to figure out how to free Britney Spears from her ridiculous situation. You can call her crazy if you want to, but there are lots of crazy rich people who get to do whatever they want to with their money.

If you don’t believe me, reference the lead paragraph.