Guard Your Kitchen Gadgets From the Cat

If you pass me on the street you may notice my nose stuck up in the air.

I’m a blue-blood now — one of those elitists as people say.

I’ll bet you’re dying to know how I achieved such a status.

It has nothing to do with money or fame.

It’s something much more pretentious.

Kim and I have been on a grapefruit kick for a few weeks now. 

I’ve always loved grapefruit. When I was a kid we had them on hand most of the time.

Now, we often have grapefruit juice on hand. But it has been a while since we’ve had the fruit itself.

The other day Kim suggested getting grapefruit spoons.

That sounded like a good idea to me, so over the weekend, we went to one of those uppity kitchen stores that specializes in selling stuff no one really needs.

The real story here should be that this is the first time either of us has been on a pleasure shopping trip in a year.

But anyway, we ended up with two grapefruit spoons.

As expected, they have serrated edges and come to a point at the end.

But it wasn’t until we got home we realized the handle comes off, revealing a knife with two pliable parallel blades for cutting each side of the membrane between the sections.

They’re quite fancy.

And in an attempt to segue, I’ll say that speaking of kitchen gadgets, we have a mystery going on at the house at the moment.

About a year ago, we bought a new paring knife.

Probably 5 or 6 months ago, it disappeared.

We looked everywhere for it. Since it’s easy to misplace something like that, we searched every drawer in the kitchen. 

After a few days, we came to the conclusion that it probably got thrown in the trash by mistake.

As the person in the house voted most likely to put the milk in a cabinet, I blamed myself for the mishap.

Fast forward to two nights ago.

I walked in the living room and happened to look at the end table next to the couch.

And I saw the strangest thing.

“Where’d that come from?” I asked.

“Didn’t you put it there just to mess with me?”

“No. Did you?”

Somehow or another, after 6 months, the paring knife magically appeared out of thin air, right there on the end table.

After exhausting every possible hypothesis, we’re blaming the cat.

Here’s the theory.

The knife was on the end table, and the cat somehow pushed it under a lamp that sits there sometime last spring. Then, three nights ago, he was able to pull it back out into plain view.

This theory has more holes in it than Pizzagate, however.

First, how did the paring knife get in the living room in the first place?

Second, even though our cat has this knack for picking up stuff with one paw, it’s a pretty big stretch to think he could have the dexterity to pull off such a feat.

And third, wouldn’t we have discovered the knife every time we moved the lamp to clean the table?

No, the cat didn’t do it. 

But just in case, I’m going to keep a real close eye on my grapefruit spoon.