Which Salad Ingredient Would You Want to Be?

stories of a world gone mad, barrycurrin.com

Sometimes you stick your foot in your mouth, and sometimes you manage to get both feet, a sink, a tire from a ’72 Impala and a bed pillow in there.

Meet Keith Hill, a country radio consultant in Texas. Here is how Hill recently compared female artists to their male counterparts in an attempt to explain females’ importance to radio ratings.

“If you want to make ratings in country radio,” he was quoted as saying in Country Aircheck, “take the females out… Trust me, I play great female records, and we’ve got some right now; they’re just not the lettuce in our salad. The lettuce is Luke Bryan and Blake Shelton, Keith Urban and artists like that. The tomatoes of our salad are the females.”

That’s not exactly the most Shakespearian of metaphors, is it.

It should come as no surprise that Hill’s comments caused a firestorm among female country artists. Acts like Miranda Lambert (who does a song called “Gunpowder and Lead” about settling the score with a man, it should be noted) took to social media faster than a bowl full of sliced up Early Girls disappears at a Fourth of July picnic.

Ladies, I am stunned. You should be flattered.

I ask you, what’s the most boring part of the salad? The lettuce, of course. The only reason we even strategically place a little of it in the bottom of the bowl is to form a bed to catch the dressing so we don’t have to use a roll or a spoon — only if no one is looking, of course — to scoop up what dripped off of everything else.

Being called just about any salad bar ingredient would be better than being called lettuce.

I could understand the outrage if he had called female artists chickpeas, olives or mushrooms. But I say to embrace being compared to the tastiest, most colorful and — in my opinion — most necessary vegetable in the salad bar.

Or is it a fruit? It doesn’t matter. I wish somebody would talk about me in a magazine. And, if they did, and they said, “Now that kid is a real tomato,” I think I would be flattered — unless he said tommy toe, then I’m not so sure.

But either way, it’s better than being the lettuce. If I’m Keith Urban or Luke Bryan, the first thing I’m doing is finding out if he meant iceberg or romaine. If the answer is iceberg, then I’m infuriated unless he was talking about a wedge salad, then I might let it slide.

I am not sure why wedge salads are so good, but I do admit liking them. And what are they garnished with?

Tomatoes. Case closed.

According to Forbes magazine, Carrie Underwood earned $41 million between 2013 and 2014. Dolly Parton is reported to be worth $450 million.

That’s a bunch of Better Boys.

So, Mr. Hill, I’m sure you wish you had chosen your words more carefully, but I for one think it’s the men who have the beef with you. And, I would offer a bit of advice:

If I were you, the next time I’m out in public, I would be on the lookout for a big heavy head of lettuce hurtling toward my face. I’m sure some of those country boys could put some heat behind one.

The tomatoes, not so much. Those female country singers probably throw like a bunch of… never mind. It’s not important.


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