It Would’ve Been Such a Little White Lie, Dr. Fauci

Doctor patient confidentiality is a great thing.

It’s necessary.

That’s what keeps doctors from spilling the beans on their patients to just anyone.

It protects people’s privacy. Think about famous people, the people we admire.

Singers, actors, politicians.

Well, I said people we admire, but still. If Senator Steamboat Willie has a freckle he’s concerned about, it’s the doctor’s sworn duty not to go boiling over to Fox just to get to have 5 minutes on Tucker Carlson’s show.

With that said, it’s apparent that some people can’t keep a secret.

Even doctors.

And to make matters worse, doctors who have a reason to keep their mouths shut.

It’s old news now that Dr. Anthony Fauci tested positive for Covid.

I cannot believe I know that.

More importantly, given his critics, I cannot believe he couldn’t keep it to himself.

For heaven’s sake, Tony. Can I call you Tony? The anti-vaxxers have treated you like a piñata for 2 years and counting. How on earth could this news possibly get out?

Kim said maybe someone overheard him in line at the pharmacy.

Can’t you just see the president’s chief medical advisor waiting for his prescription down at he CVS with a box of Pop Tarts in one hand and some Just for Men in the other?

Apparently, people became suspicious when he attended a meeting remotely. Did his colleagues shame him into confessing?

Attending a meeting via video conference isn’t very unusual these days. And even if he was questioned about why he wasn’t there in person, there are an unlimited number of little white-lies that could’ve worked for him.

First, the most simple.

He could’ve used one of those filters to make himself look a little green and said, “I’ll never eat Hudson River mussels again, if you know what I mean.”

Or he could’ve made himself sound just a little more cool. 

“I was feeding Steph Curry some balls during shoot-around today, and I tripped over an ESPN cameraman’s bag. My ankle is the size of a cantaloupe”

That one is flawed because it involves other people. Instead, he could’ve gone with something a little more logical.

“Aw, I’m such a klutz. I was walking through the house texting, and I tripped over my Physicians Desk Reference, and my ankle is the size of a cantaloupe.”

But, no. Not our good doctor.

I can only imagine the other people sitting around the table when he admitted it.

There was snickering. And some cash probably changed hands as wagers placed on Fauci’s probability of getting it were settled.

Anyway, if I ever start a covert criminal enterprise, I know who our doctor won’t be.

And in the worst segue ever, I just saw a story on The Weather Channel’s website that 42 countries have now reported at lease one case of monkeypox.

I’m not sure what this has to do with the weather, but here’s what I do know.

This is a disease I really, really do not want.

Have you seen the pictures?

If Fauci gets that, he won’t be able to lie his way out of it. He should’ve used the opportunity when he had it.