I Almost Forgot I Had Amnesia Once

You’re getting a hodgepodge today, boys and girls.

That’s what I do when none of my Pulitzer Prize-worthy ideas are long enough to stand on their own.

Here goes.

The US men’s soccer team battled England to a 0-0 tie a few days ago in the World Cup.

I didn't watch it. I don’t watch soccer unless it’s on television in a restaurant. If that’s the case, I will watch it because I am 100 percent convinced that if a game of any type is on television, you simply cannot not watch it if you’re in the same room.

The main reason I don’t watch soccer is because I don’t understand anything beyond that rare occurrence when someone kicks the ball in the net.

This will probably upset some people, because lots of people seem to like it.

If you’re a fan, enjoy the rest or the World Cup. Who knows, maybe someone will actually score before it’s over.

***

My office is situated between two fire stations — one station is the city fire department, and the other is the county fire department.

I don’t know why we have two fire departments. Having one would seem to make so much sense for a myriad of reasons. The same goes for local government, law enforcement agencies, school systems, etc.

I don’t have enough sense not to make soccer fans mad, but I do have enough sense not to criticize firefighters.

We all love firefighters.

Heck, I even like the fire inspector who comes by annually to get me to move the stuff out from around the fire extinguisher.

The last time he was here, he said, “You don’t need me to tell you that you need to keep this area clear.”

And I’m thinking, apparently I do. We talk about it every year.

Anyway, as I'm writing this, it's Sunday afternoon on a sunny fall day. I’ve been here at my office around 45 minutes.

Fire crews have already gone out four times. 

Maybe it’s just one of those days where everything wants to catch fire.

I think I’ll go check that area around the fire extinguisher.

***

It just dawned on me that nobody gets amnesia on television shows anymore. 

Back in the day, it seems like at least half the plot lines on TV dramas involved someone getting amnesia.

“But Biff, I’m your wife. We have 11 children.”

“All you want is my inheritance. Where’s Julie?”

“I’m Julie.”

I did some research to find out if amnesia is even real.

As it turns out, it is, and I’ve had it.

Any memory loss — even short term — can be classified as amnesia.

When I was 15, I had a severe bicycle wreck, — on Mother’s Day, no less. I was standing up on the pedals, accelerating as hard as I could when my chain came off.

I flew headfirst over the handlebars.

I wish I could detail my injuries, but you don’t want to hear them.

I will say that one of my friends who was with me had to go back to the scene and get one of my front teeth out of the road.

Anyway, I had about a 15-minute time span of which I still have no recollection.

And now you know an amnesia survivor.